DILEMMA

PREFACE

When Matthew was six, he fell in love, as only a child can, with Julie, but she was nineteen and not married so couldn’t even adopt him. Later that year, she married Señor Barry, whose real name was Jedidiah Barrington, and they adopted Matthew. They produced three more sons, JJ, Josh and Jordan. Jordan and his father suffer from a rare tropical disease, which kept Jordan in a wheel-chair with his father soon to be in one as this disease was both crippling and terminal. A gunman, who was looking for Julie, kills them, while they try to protect her from him.

Julie later marries Doctor Denny Scotzovicka and they are missionaries in Mexico.

Matthew is now the only resident doctor at the mission hospital in Guatemala. His wife Margaret is a nurse. They both have a child from previous marriages. Margaret’s son, Johnny, is blonde and tall. He’ll soon be a full fledge doctor. Matthew’s daughter is dark skinned with black curly hair and is a few years younger. Her mother was queen of the ‘wild’ tribe and now Mercy is queen. The tribe has become Christian and is trying to move out of their heathen ways. They call themselves The Mercy Tribe.

Pepee, from the tribe, is Matthew’s good friend. He helped Matthew get to the hospital when the tribe became sick and many were dying. They were able to save about ten of the group of thirty.

Anna Marie was seven when left at the hospital by her drug-dealing foster parents. Matthew adopted her, just before he married Margaret. This story starts seven years later.

Chapter one

MARGARET

Margaret saw Matthew’s face turn from a healthy color to an unnatural gray. If he became angry his face would become bright red. She knew she could handle anger but the gray face was something more. Was it hurt? She wondered, or a heart condition?
Matthew turned his gray face toward his wife, Margaret. “Am I such a terrible father that this should happened?” He asked. She remembered him telling about his father asking the same question. Margaret looked at him with sad eyes. The color of his face worried her more than the question.

“Of course not, dear,” she told him, but she knew that no matter how often she denied the question of his parenting the hurt would still be there. She wondered vaguely if his father carried his hurt to his grave.

It was a hot summer in Guatemala that year with more rain than normal. Of course one expected rain when one lived on the edge of the rain forest but this year became unbearable. Mold encased everything. Even their shoes developed mold when left unworn for a day or two. All the children’s schoolbooks showed signs of mold and mildew damage with blackened page-edges and covers loose. Luckily or perhaps it was better to say that by the grace of God none of the children had developed lung problems from breathing in all the mold spores that clogged the air.
Doctor Charles had packed up his family and left for the States after his youngest child, his only daughter had an asthma attack that almost killed her. He was settled in a practice in Albuquerque now.

In a way, Margaret envied him. There were times that she wished her family could leave also. The thought swiftly flew through her mind. If she put pressure on Matthew, the only resident doctor at the hospital now, perhaps he would turn everything - the hospital, the clinics, the school and Mercy’s tribe - over to the Guatemala Government and leave. As soon as the thought entered her mind, she dismissed it. All these structures were built with money from churches in the States. They were all dedicated to God for His use. Besides there were Christians here who needed Matthew’s encouragement and others who needed to know about God. Matthew couldn’t,and wouldn’t leave, she knew. She was trapped in the heat and mold and now must help Matthew deal with Anna Marie.

Fourteen-year-old Anna Marie ran to Matthew and knelt at his knees. “I’m so sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” She buried her face on his knees and started crying. The tears were wetting his trousers and his first instinct was to pull away, but he didn’t. He didn’t put his hand on her head to comfort her either. Margaret saw Matthew looking down at the bent head as if he were seeing a stranger.
Anna Marie was a petite girl with straight dark hair that flipped up hitting her shoulders. Except for her size, she looked as if she were a blood member of the Barrington family.

Mathew was tall and still carried a hint of his football days. Matthew had taken Anna Marie in when her foster parents abandoned her at the hospital. She was a sweet girl of seven then, the same age he was when Jedidiah and Julie adopted him. Matthew gave her a home, his name and a big sister, Mercy.

Margaret hadn’t met Anna Marie until Matthew brought her with his own daughter to their wedding in Michigan. She supposed that she should have given the girl more attention but she and Matthew were newly married and the first few years of married life she worked full time at the hospital. She felt Matthew had denied himself of so many things in life and she wanted to give them all back to him. He deserves them, she told herself, and put all her energy in giving them back. He was her sole focus and the children suffered because of this.

“Just give me your love and understanding,” Matthew told her once when she asked about giving him something. Margaret tried to be the wife he wanted but there were many times she was sure he still felt unloved and misunderstood yet she felt that their marriage was special with a wonderful blended family. Johnny, her son would soon be a full-fledged doctor. He and Matthew bonded with no problems in that area. Johnny was spending the summer with them helping Matthew. He wasn’t at this family meeting because he was monitoring a very ill patient that Matthew and he operated on earlier in the day.

Mercy would be leaving to attend her third year at the Bible College in Atlanta. Margaret had left Mercy to do what mothering Anna Marie received and with Mercy gone for the school year, this was what happened. Anna Marie was to start at the local high school where JJ, Matthew’s brother, was principal. Now there would be the problem with school also.

Both Mercy and Margaret looked at Matthew for some words of advice. They waited quietly, not speaking, but they waited in vain. It seemed as if Anna Marie’s declaration had robbed Matthew of all speech.

Barry was asleep on Margaret’s lap. This child went to sleep every evening at seven thirty sharp and woke up to start the day at three thirty in the morning. He woke up at this time ever since he was born and no matter what they did to change his schedule, he still persisted in waking up to start the day when others wanted to sleep.

Matthew and Margaret started taking turns getting up, as there was no leaving him to entertain himself. The hospital staff and patients soon became use to seeing their doctor making his morning rounds an hour or so earlier than usual and with a baby in a carrier or later in a stroller.

Barry was Matthew and Margaret’s four-year-old son. Matthew hadn’t wanted to use his father’s nickname for his son but Margaret was obsessed with stories of Señor Barry. So he was named Barry Leland – her father’s name – Barrington. Matthew felt the name was a bit much for the little boy but Margaret insisted that he would grow into it.
Now as Margaret lifted the child up, he never stirred. His little angelic face denied the devilment he had created during the day. She took him to Mercy, who without any words, took the sleeping child up the stairs and put him in his bed before returning.
Margaret moved to sit beside her husband and put her arms around him wanting him to know that she was there for him. She felt him shudder but still he didn’t speak. She disengaged one arm and touched the crying girl’s head.

“Anna Marie, you should go up to bed now. We’ll speak some more in the morning.” The girl heavily pushed herself up from her knees and Margaret saw that the girl was farther along in her pregnancy then she had at first supposed. Why hadn’t I noticed this before? She wondered to herself. I could have told Matthew. Then it wouldn’t have been such a surprise.

Matthew handed Anna Marie a handkerchief and she wiped her red, swollen eyes, blew her nose and tossed it back into her dad’s lap. How rude! How disrespectful! Margaret thought but left the words unsaid as she grabbed the offending handkerchief and put it behind her.

“I’ll see you in the examining room tomorrow morning.” Matthew said to the retreating figure on the steps. It was the first words he had spoken and he sounded like a doctor not a father.

Mercy came up to her father then. “Dad, why are you so upset about this? After all you married my mother when she was fourteen.”

“What? Who told you that?”

“Pepee told me.” Mercy answered. Pepee was the spokesman for the tribe.

Matthew let out a long sigh. “I didn’t know,” he said then added, “No wonder she had such a hard time giving birth.” His words were barely audible.

“Is that when Mother died? When I was born?” Mercy asked. Her father had told her very little about her mother and the information from Pepee wasn’t very detailed.

“No, dear.” Matthew told his daughter. “You were two years old and led your Granny to your sick mother. The whole tribe was sick. You and two or three others were not so sick but many died that night, even your mother.” He sounded very sad.

“Where were you?” Mercy asked. “Surely you could have saved mother and the rest of them.” She thought her dad was super-human.

“You forget that I wasn’t a doctor yet. I’d just done the pre-med. part. Besides I had no medicine. I’d been telling your mother we needed to get to the hospital where there was medicine.” Matthew told Mercy and she eagerly grasped on to every detail.

“Finally, your mother sent me to the hospital to get some medicine to save the tribe.” Matthew stopped, debating in his mind if he should tell her the bargain he made with her mother -- that when he returned with the medicine, he could take his daughter and go to America to live there. He decided not to mention this part because whichever way he told the story her mother would look bad. Some things are best left unsaid, he thought.

“I took very ill on the way and if it weren’t for Pepee, I don’t suppose I’d have made it.”

“Wasn’t he sick?” Mercy asked, enthused with the story.
“Oh yes. He was very sick also but we tried to encourage each other.” Matthew smiled in remembering, forgetting his newest worry. “Pepee was my guard and he had orders to kill me if I tried to escape but I never tried as I loved you too much.”

Mercy smiled, “Thank you, Daddy,” she said. “But weren’t you afraid of Pepee if he
was supposed to kill you?” she asked.

“I was at first and even when he accept Christ, I wasn’t sure of him. But he is a wonderful friend now. I couldn’t do without him and I thank the Lord for him every day.”

“So what happened when you got to the hospital and why was Granny there?” Mercy wanted to know.

“Actually, Charles found us on the road and took us back to the hospital. He was on his way to Guatemala City to fetch Jul – ah your granny at the airport and as this was making him late he just dropped us off and left again. He didn’t know who we were as we were dirty and I had long hair and a big bushy beard.”

Mercy started laughing. “You must have looked a sight.”

“I guess I did.” Matthew continued. “I lapsed into a comatose state. Every time I woke up I’d speak in Spanish or the tribe’s language. I kept calling your name and also the word ‘medicine.’ They thought I was asking for mercy and wanting medicine for myself. It wasn’t until Charles got back with your granny that they found out my identity. Mother organized baskets of food to take but Charles insisted on going with her. It was now about ten or twelve hours since I’d left to get the medicine and that was too long for those who were sick. In fact, I’m not sure we could have saved them even if the medicine was given to them sooner.”

“What did they have?” Mercy wanted to know. “Why were so many dying even when you were still with them?”

“The government got involved in the end and their report said the people died from a combination of three causes. One was malnutrition, one was a new strain of malaria but the main cause was they had eaten some poisonous plant that gave them a ‘high’ but because of the other two reasons, it killed them in the end.”

“Didn’t you eat some of that plant also?” Mercy asked.
“I started chewing some but as soon as I realized it’s narcotic effect, I spit it out. We were so hungry at that time, we would have eaten about anything.”

“Did mother suffer do you think?” Mercy asked distressed.

“No, and I know we’ve told you this that she told your granny that she was not afraid to die because she knew Jesus. Most of the people went to sleep and died. Your mother kept herself awake until someone came for you. She was very brave.”

Mercy brushed away a tear. “She must have been only sixteen or seventeen then.”
“When you say that, it puts a whole new light on it. I’ve never respected your mother like I do right now.” Matthew was in a thoughtful mood.

Mercy thanked her father, wished him good night and headed for her room. Margaret realized that Matthew had used the term ‘your mother’ instead of ‘my wife’ or even her name, Ugh-hee, but she supposed she knew why. He told her once that he never loved his wife and only had relations with her the one time, which resulted in Mercy. There was no doubting that he loved his daughter and Margaret suppressed the ugly head of jealousy that persisted in rearing its head. She knew she was prone to wanting all of Matthew’s love for herself but she knew also when she married him that he had a family.

“I’m going to bed,” she told Matthew. “You coming now?”
“I’ll be up later,” he told her. “You go ahead.” Margaret gave Matthew a peck on his face before going up the steps. She peeked into Barry’s room but he was sleeping soundly. The light blanket that Mercy had placed over him was kicked off and he was lying with arms and legs spread out. She smiled. He was such an angel when asleep; if only he could be like that when awake. She closed the door noiselessly and went across the hall to where Mercy and Anna Marie were. Tapping lightly on the door but not waiting for an answer she walked in.

“I thought it might be Dad,” Mercy said as Margaret entered. “Maybe you can get her to stop crying. I’ll never get any sleep if she doesn’t.” Mercy complained, which was unusual, as a complaint from Mercy was very rare.

“Would you want to take your mattress into Barry’s room and sleep on the floor?” she asked. “Remember, he’ll be awake at three thirty.” But Mercy was already pulling her mattress off her bed. Margaret went to help her. “I want to talk to Anna Marie so this is best, anyway,” Margaret said as she opened the door and helped Mercy get settled in Barry’s room.

“DILEMMA”

ISBN 978-1-4535-4685-7 hard cover
ISBN 978-1-4535-4684-0 soft cover
ISBN 978-1-4535-4686-4 kindle